When Jennifer B. started a new role as Administrative Manager at a quaint private school in New Zealand, she was immediately drawn to the warm, collegial atmosphere. But the once cozy workplace became a toxic minefield when a workplace bully was hired into the role of principal.
She said, “Many [staff members] went on anti-depressants because they became depressed. When you have a happy employee, and you see them deteriorate over time, I found that really hard.”
Research has shown that people who are bullied in the workplace have increased mental health problems including depression and anxiety.
Unfortunately, workplace bullies are common. In a 2021 survey, the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI) found that 49% of those surveyed had been affected by bullying.
If you are dealing with a workplace bully, here are five things you can do to safeguard your mental health.
1. Name the problem
According to Valerie Cade, Founder of the organization Bully Free at Work, recognizing that the problem is because of bullying, not a personality conflict or performance issues, is the first step to solving it.
But that isn’t always easy. Jennifer said it took her colleagues roughly six months to realize their new boss was a bully. She said, “For the longest time there were excuses. People couldn’t believe that the school had hired someone that awful into the role.”
Cade pointed to another interesting dynamic that can make bullying difficult to see. “The bullying is often done in private, so [the target] may witness the person doing the bullying as being really nice to everybody else.” This confuses the victim, who may seek to justify the bully’s behavior.
If you suspect you are being bullied, but aren’t sure, Cade recommends keeping a log of encounters. She explained this helps people to see the repeated nature of the bully’s behaviour. Anyone can have a bad day, but when abusive behaviour is repeated over time, it’s bullying.
2. Assign blame appropriately
Cade explained that people targeted by bullies often blame themselves, and may go out of their way to appease the bully. This rarely works. “You can’t shake hands with a closed fist,” she said.
Cade also chalked bullying up to jealousy. “The number one reason adults get bullied is because the bully is envious of the other person,” said Cade. She went on to explain that this envy prompts bullies to abuse their targets as a way to gain power over them.
If you are being bullied, it’s not your fault. Put the blame where it lies, with the bully.
3. Try counselling
Cade often tells victims of bullying to find a trusted counsellor. She explained that a good therapist can help bullying targets build back their inner strength and self-worth, and may be able to help strategize next steps to deal with the situation.
If you don’t have the time to see a counsellor in person, there are a number of online options that can fit into busy schedules.
4. Look for powerful allies
If you are ready to take steps to stop the bullying, make sure you have help first.
Cade explained, “If you’re going to confront the bully, you better make sure it counts, otherwise they’re going to strike back harder. The way it counts is when you get authoritative power.”
Think about the people at your workplace who might have the power to stop the bullying, and approach them privately. They could include your boss, the bully’s boss, or someone in human resources (HR).
However, Cade cautions that while many organizations boast anti-bullying policies, most don’t train their HR and managerial staff on what steps to take when bullying happens. She said, “They don’t know exactly what to do. They’ve made the promise, but the delivery is very poor.”
5. Explore other options
If you have tried everything and the situation isn’t getting better, you may need to consider looking for another job, or a transfer within your organization.
The reality is that in the majority of cases, the bullying stops when the target leaves the workplace – 67% of the time in 2021, according to the WBI survey.
Even though the principal at Jennifer’s office was eventually investigated and fired, for Jennifer and her old colleagues, the psychological scars are still healing. “There’s five of us, we still speak, and most of the time we’re okay, but sometimes things come up, and the anger still comes up,” she said.
Work is important, but the psychological trauma that a bully can inflict is very real. Take steps to protect yourself. Your mental health is worth it.